Cabin Pressure: Surprises in the air
by ko-writes
Summary: MJN the musical! I wrote the songs myself, please be kind. Any tune you want - Arthur-ish or not. Martin/Douglas.


Chapter Text

[Douglas storms on stage. His jacket is still on, but unbuttoned; his hat is discarded; and his tie is loosened so it hangs around his neck. Carolyn enters a second later, trying to match his stride. Her blouse, waistcoat and knee length pencil skirt are neat, but not meticulous.]

CAROLYN

I don't understand what the problem is!

DOUGLAS

You must do! It's breaking my heart!

CAROLYN

Don't be such a drama queen, Douglas.

DOUGLAS

Carolyn, Martin is cheating on me!

CAROLYN

*Pretending to be serious* Oh, Romeo, Romeo; where fore art thou, Romeo? *Smirking* Oh, that's right, he's sleeping with the neighbour!

DOUGLAS

This is serious! It's Helena all over again!

CAROLYN

And Susan; and Rose; and Gerald –

DOUGLAS

Carolyn!

CAROLYN

You're paranoid! He could be doing anything!

DOUGLAS

Or anyone!

_Because that's what life is._

CAROLYN

Douglas…

DOUGLAS

_Who'd want me?_

_An old Sky-God's still old,_

_Doesn't give one much glee…_

I mean, really now. Truly happy? Arthur's words hit me like a ton of bricks. I've never had that. If I wasn't so busy worrying I might have that with Martin…

CAROLYN

That doesn't sound like the Douglas Richardson I know…

DOUGLAS

That's because that Douglas Richardson, the infallible Sky-God with the inexhaustible supply of good luck is just an act.

CAROLYN

Douglas…?

DOUGLAS

_Always thought I was the best,_

_Met wife number one twenty years ago._

_I thought it was paradise,_

_Like New York in the snow._

_Well… Now I'm older, _

_A bit more wise._

_Thought she was lucky to have me,_

_The best thing in the skies._

_That wasn't true, though,_

_It was I, who was lucky,_

_As I always am._

CAROLYN

But… you weren't lucky. She hurt you, Douglas…

DOUGLAS

_It was better than I deserved_

_Someone should have told her that long ago._

_It was for her own good,_

_There's no quid-pro-quo._

_And why would he love me, anyway?_

_With those perfect lips, and that soft hair?_

_He could have anyone he wanted,_

_Someone who might care._

CAROLYN

But you do!

DOUGLAS

I don't show it though, do I? He's better off with someone… better.

CAROLYN

Douglas –

DOUGLAS

I don't want to talk about this anymore…

[Exit Douglas. Carolyn stares after him]

[Martin is running around a shop, uniform still very neat, including his hat. Arthur trying to keep up; his steward's uniform looking a little worse for wear.]

MARTIN

Come on, Arthur! We still need more orchids!

ARTHUR

(Panting)

Coming Skip!

MARTIN

_I have to make this perfect!_

_Why else would he say yes?_

_Not like I'm handsome or charming,_

_This is the only way, I guess…_

ARTHUR

Why do you say that, Skip? Douglas loves you!

MARTIN

But I'm ordinary, at best! He's a handsome Sky-God with enough charm to talk his way into anyone's underwear he wants!

[Martin breaks the fourth wall – Stage whispers to the audience]

And he is really good in bed!

_No, he's the greatest man ever!_

_And here I am, _

_Just ordinary Martin Crieff_

_So what if he's been acting weird – damn!_

ARTHUR

What's wrong?

MARTIN

Nothing. It's just… Douglas has been acting a little… Distant, recently. Like… He doesn't quite… love me anymore…

ARTHUR

That's silly, Skip! Of course he loves you!

MARTIN

But… Why would he? Should I just not bother?

ARTHUR

No, Skip! Douglas is going to love it because he loves you!

MARTIN

_But, what does he see? _

_There's nothing about me to love._

_Skinny bones, ginger hair, skin that's far too pale, cheekbones like razors_

_Though I don't want to let him go, for all the sky above._

ARTHUR

Skip –

MARTIN

_And why would he love me, anyway?_

_With those shining eyes, and that mind?_

_He could have anyone he wanted,_

_I know that, I'm not that blind._

ARTHUR

You should get back to Douglas, he'll be worried.

MARTIN

Yeah… See you Arthur…

ARTHUR

See you Skip…

[Exit Martin]

ARTHUR

I need to tell someone! I need to tell someone now!

[Arthur breaks fourth wall]

ARTHUR

Oh great! Look, you don't know me and I don't know you and you don't know who I'm talking about but I need to tell someone! Skip is going to propose to Douglas! With a flight deck full of orchids, too! Because their pilots and it's a little joke about a trip we took to Helsinki; don't worry, I didn't expect you to get it… Oh! That's a lot better!

CAROLYN

Arthur!

ARTHUR

Mum?

CAROLYN

Arthur, please tell me why Martin is sneaking around!

ARTHUR

What? S-sneaking around?

CAROLYN

Arthur – tell me.

ARTHUR

It's a secret!

CAROLYN

What secret?

ARTHUR

(Whimpers)

CAROLYN

Tell me…

ARTHUR

Skip's going to propose to Douglas!

CAROLYN

… Really?

ARTHUR

Oh no!

CAROLYN

Oh dear…

ARTHUR

Mum… What's wrong?

CAROLYN

Douglas thinks Martin is having an affair…

ARTHUR

But he'd never do it!

CAROLYN

I know that, and you know that; but Douglas is more insecure than we thought…

ARTHUR

Really?!

CAROLYN

I blame those ex-wives of his!

ARTHUR

Mum… What are we going to do?

CAROLYN

I don't know…

[Fade into darkness]


End file.
